Saturday, April 5, 2014

Are You Sleeping With A Stranger?

Lets talk about sex baby, or rather lets talk about how you're in my bed and I barely know who you are. As far as I know, you could be an ax murderer, or running from the law, or not really a man.

We've all heard the phrase "casual sex". There was once a time when this act (and in some cases it still is) was very much looked down upon. If a woman celebrated her sexuality by keeping it casual and detaching from her emotions, and sleeping with someone that she wasn't particularly close to, she was called a slut or easy. Nowadays, casual sex is not only more accepted but rather EXPECTED. Some men appear shocked when a woman refuses to go home with them after the first date and some just act downright annoyed. It's almost as if the message is, "I just bought you dinner and you're not going to put out? WTF is up with that?" 

So where am I going with this? How does this all relate to single parenting? Well single parents like to get laid too. At least when we can and our children aren't around. I am not dead. I am not trapped in the house with my child 24/7. Thanks to co-parenting, there are several weekends out of the month that I get to enjoy all on my own. And yes, I still have blood pumping through my veins so I occasionally get horny and have the desire to have sexual intercourse. 

After a failed marriage and a series of failed relationships, much therapy that helped me trace a lot of my issues back to my childhood (Thank you Dr. Freud), and support from wonderful family and friends, I decided to start doing things differently.

Like many women today, I often dived into the water without sticking my toe in first and testing the temperature. This means I would engage in casual sex and sleep with men that I barely knew "hoping" that it would turn into a relationship. I actually believed that this was the way I was supposed to be doing it and then I sat there dumbfounded and "shocked" when things didn't quite work out the way I planned.

After doing much soul searching and reading many self-help dating books (I'm not afraid to admit that btw) I realized that if I were a young blooded male who simply had to go out to a bar/lounge/club or social event and buy a lady dinner and drinks in order to get laid, I would have a hard time committing as well! I mean why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? It was that moment when the light bulb above my head stopped flickering and actually turned on! I wasn't giving any of these men anything to work for! I made it way too easy and then they had no incentive to actually get to know me!

So yes, my anger was completely misplaced. I could complain all day about how I kept hooking up with assholes who couldn't commit, but It's that very same idea that women should give it up easy because we are liberated amazing females that creates these assholes that can't commit! So I made a decision. I made a promise to myself that I would actually take the time and put in the work to get to know a potential partner. Taking sex out of the equation at least for the first few months if not longer helps to look at the person with a clear head and avoid the "sex haze" that often consumes women even when they think it's just sex leading them to get attached to a man who is no good for them! 

So my point is, if you roll over and someone is in your bed and you have no freaking clue who the hell that person is, chances are they probably shouldn't be there anyway! You obviously have to decide for yourself when you are ready to have sex with someone but at least take this into account: We single moms have people depending on us especially if our children are small. With all the weirdos, diseases, and other toxic stuff out there, I hope we have the strength to be a bit more selective and give one of the most beautiful gifts to a person who has earned it!


  1. Great post! I find myself in a lot of it. Thanks for writing and sharing!

  2. My pleasure! I hope others can relate to it as well!

  3. Great post! And so true (from my single days). I used to think that sex would lead to attachment. Didn't work out that way. Well, I lucked out with Matt I mean lol

  4. I love how honest this is. Sex is a reality of being single and we have to be mindful of how it impacts us.

  5. I loved this explains a lot about the subject. I agree with you in your last paragraph, as I also wrote in my book "FOR SINGLE PARENTS: A Guide on Happiness and Love"; casual sex is OK if you are looking for casual sex and not for Mr. or Ms. Right. Responsibility and awareness are two big words in connection thereof! Have a Happy Day :-)

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  7. Thank you for the feedback! I absolutely agree that we have to be mindful of what exactly we are looking for and what we are attracting to ourselves! That minimizes the chances that we will be disappointed!