So after much reluctancy, I decided to give online dating a try…again. One of the pet peeves I had in the past with online dating was the fact that people who do it seem to have absolutely no interest in actual meeting people!
Let me be a little bit more specific. In the past I would spend a considerable amount of time scanning through member profiles to see if anyone caught my eye. In the rare case that this happened, I had no issue messaging the person and letting them know that I was interested in getting to know them better. Maybe two or three of these conversations actually led to a date.
My point is that I agree there is nothing wrong with being selective. However, I think online dating has become this vortex that people "hide" behind to increase their sense of superiority. I mean think about it. You have the power. You get to scan through profiles and say "Nope, unattractive, uh uh, arrogant, too short, too desperate." We become comfortable making judgments about people we don't even know and then we get fed up when we have no plans on Friday night. People do things like rate your profile very highly or wink at you and then don't take the time to message you. I don't understand it. What a colossal waste of time.
I made an executive decision: online dating wasn't about finding the "one". I mean yeah it could happen, but I knew I needed to adjust my expectations and be more open to just dating and having a good time. I know what I want and I am not willing to lower my standards. However, I'm less critical when viewing profiles of potential dates online.
My observations have led me to believe that men have no interest in meeting women online. Perhaps they are being highly selective and are reluctant to go out with someone they don't feel an instant spark with. But I'll tell you this: I have no interest in communicating with you via email for three months or more in order to figure out if we have enough commonalities to meet in person. I enjoy dating in real life. I don't think you really get an accurate read of people just by communicating with them online. Let's see if we click in person sooner rather than later. This is not an act of desperation, it just makes sense!
What are your thoughts about online dating?
Saturday, April 5, 2014
Lets talk about sex baby, or rather lets talk about how you're in my bed and I barely know who you are. As far as I know, you could be an ax murderer, or running from the law, or not really a man.
We've all heard the phrase "casual sex". There was once a time when this act (and in some cases it still is) was very much looked down upon. If a woman celebrated her sexuality by keeping it casual and detaching from her emotions, and sleeping with someone that she wasn't particularly close to, she was called a slut or easy. Nowadays, casual sex is not only more accepted but rather EXPECTED. Some men appear shocked when a woman refuses to go home with them after the first date and some just act downright annoyed. It's almost as if the message is, "I just bought you dinner and you're not going to put out? WTF is up with that?"
So where am I going with this? How does this all relate to single parenting? Well single parents like to get laid too. At least when we can and our children aren't around. I am not dead. I am not trapped in the house with my child 24/7. Thanks to co-parenting, there are several weekends out of the month that I get to enjoy all on my own. And yes, I still have blood pumping through my veins so I occasionally get horny and have the desire to have sexual intercourse.
After a failed marriage and a series of failed relationships, much therapy that helped me trace a lot of my issues back to my childhood (Thank you Dr. Freud), and support from wonderful family and friends, I decided to start doing things differently.
Like many women today, I often dived into the water without sticking my toe in first and testing the temperature. This means I would engage in casual sex and sleep with men that I barely knew "hoping" that it would turn into a relationship. I actually believed that this was the way I was supposed to be doing it and then I sat there dumbfounded and "shocked" when things didn't quite work out the way I planned.
After doing much soul searching and reading many self-help dating books (I'm not afraid to admit that btw) I realized that if I were a young blooded male who simply had to go out to a bar/lounge/club or social event and buy a lady dinner and drinks in order to get laid, I would have a hard time committing as well! I mean why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? It was that moment when the light bulb above my head stopped flickering and actually turned on! I wasn't giving any of these men anything to work for! I made it way too easy and then they had no incentive to actually get to know me!
So yes, my anger was completely misplaced. I could complain all day about how I kept hooking up with assholes who couldn't commit, but It's that very same idea that women should give it up easy because we are liberated amazing females that creates these assholes that can't commit! So I made a decision. I made a promise to myself that I would actually take the time and put in the work to get to know a potential partner. Taking sex out of the equation at least for the first few months if not longer helps to look at the person with a clear head and avoid the "sex haze" that often consumes women even when they think it's just sex leading them to get attached to a man who is no good for them!
So my point is, if you roll over and someone is in your bed and you have no freaking clue who the hell that person is, chances are they probably shouldn't be there anyway! You obviously have to decide for yourself when you are ready to have sex with someone but at least take this into account: We single moms have people depending on us especially if our children are small. With all the weirdos, diseases, and other toxic stuff out there, I hope we have the strength to be a bit more selective and give one of the most beautiful gifts to a person who has earned it!